Top Secret Membership Roster

BIO: Reade contacted us by mail this summer, soliciting our help in combatting the terrifying global conspiracy to replace all Dunkin' Donuts coffee retailers with Starbucks. We were shocked and appalled to realize that we had missed this particular evil scheme, and immediately wrote back offering our weaponry, mimeograph machine and night-vision goggles in support of her cause. She was exceedingly grateful and has since set up an office in our basement.

BIO: TPFKA Erynn happened across a member-of-the-FLO-who-shall-remain-nameless (Raine) at a local coffee shop, where she (Raine) was busily trying to convince onlookers of the vast intergovernmental conspiracy to deprive all citizens of high-quality kevlar. The member (that was 'Raine' folks. With an 'R' and an 'e') was hopped-up on caffeine (sure, that's it) and gesticulating wildly with a bush knife and an "X-Files" coffee mug. Erynn, seeing a terrified barista picking up the phone to call the authorities, impulsively acted as back up and smacked him firmly in the left temple with her poetry book, knocking him out cold. The grateful member (who was that again? Oh, right. That was Raine.), "recruited" Erynn right into the back of her waiting van and took her to headquarters, where we decided to treat Erynn as a security leak and keep her, just in case.

BIO: After a long night of cow-tipping and outhouse stealing, Kate441 loves to crank up the old generator, power up the Amiga, lurk the Net, and obfuscate the obvious through rumor and innuendo. But you didn't hear it from me (or me!).

We pestered, poked and prodded Martha for months for any scrap of information which would allow us to break through her seemingly inpenetrable pseudonym and shroud of secrecy, so that we could target - er, identify her. Then she just happened to mention the following:

"I had thought to keep myself somewhat mysterious with a touch of eccentricity by *not* originally providing a bio. But then I realized that I am one of a handful that still use their real name on the net, so that blows my cover right there. I do not cut in line, step on peoples' toes, and I always obey the Girl Scout laws. But I do sometimes do that 'rolling' pseudo-stop past a stop sign. It's the
rebel in me."

BIO: Loa appeared on the front stoop last February, warmly bundled in a silver parka, yet wearing Tevas. We guessed that she was waiting for us, as she was busily engaged in posting to alt.conspiracies.black.helicopters while rocking slowly back-and-forth and humming. Due to copyright infringement laws, we are unable to provide a soundclip for the melody, but Loa was kind enough to allow us to share the lyrics:

BIO: We currently have no Bio on "Katy-Q". We expect it will remain that way.

BIO: Julie inadvertently applied for a position with the FLO when she tried to drop a capsule into Norville's beer one hot July day in a pub down the street from HQ. Accidentally tripping over a well-placed boot, she missed her mark by a mile and flung white powder in our Covert Ops Commander's face. Seeing his shock turn into something more deadly, she yelled something about "better living through chemistry", and bolted. By that time, however, the requisite clean-up crew had arrived. Now all we can say for certain about Julie is that, if anything here is poisoned, she will be the very first to know.

BIO: Reade showed up yesterday, not with a pizza, as she had been firmly and repeatedly instructed, but rather with a bound, gagged, giggling "recruit", and the following excuse:

"While strolling in search of the local Pizza Hut, I stumbled upon a little den of iniquity (complete with flashing red light) advertising a tour of the area. As I am terribly naive and innocent in the ways of the world , I thought it would be nice to see some local colour and visit the tourist attractions. Mish took me on a tour of the seamy underside of town that has been burned on my retinas. I figured that the FLO could find a use for her because she has some very creative ideas for the uses of some food products that have been cluttering up our pantry. So, in our usual recruiting manner, I slipped her a mickey and dragged her to FLO headquarters."

BIO: Unlike most of our new recruits, Bella kind of just dropped in on us at the FLO one day....Quite literally. Erynn and Norville were sharing a friendly game of "Catch the Grenade" in the FLO coffee house when Bella, who had been pretending to wash the windows while taking discreet pictures with a microcamera, saw one coming straight for her and dived for cover. Losing her balance, she plummeted three stories to land on Meg-Mulder, who was spending the afternoon stalking Lawn Gnomes. When she visited the emergency room, Maria was so moved by the possible security…That is, by Bella’s *injuries*, that she instantly declared her a provisional member…Dependent, of course, upon her full recovery. We here at the FLO, however, are completely and absolutely confident that she will come out of ICU just fine. Eventually.

Several weeks ago, We here at the FLO received this letter from "Thespis" (portions of which were deleted for secu-um, reasons of space), scaring Raine for what was perhaps the first time in her quasi-adult existence (Or, at least, since she found out that "Tesos Dos Bichos", had, indeed, not been a horrible, horrible hallucination).

<<<<...Dear God, what has happened to me? I sit, I sweat, I see his face on my monitor, I feel his breath on my neck, his voice in my ear… I was content to see them as a single entity, to take them at face value. But oh, goddess…. He is one. One who can stand by himself and kick any punk's ass that would dare to threaten my rights at a cybercafe....Yet I have the feeling that he would help me get the Sci-Fi channel when all appeals to the cable company have fallen on deaf ears....

...Why should you let me in? I can't force you to open the fire door and undo all seven locks, of course, but I've got Skeeeeeels! Ya wanna infiltrate past security cameras without rerouting them? Come to me. I can make you look like the CSM down to the Morleys. >>>>